An “honest, raw and personal” story

22 June 2010
For Auckland writer Peter Finlay, “the pain is muted now, with the help of sympathetic fellow adults. The hard days are over.”

So ends the epilogue of Peter’s recently published book, Blue Messiah, an account of a tumultuous period of his life with schizophrenia – covering experiences at Lake Alice Psychiatric Hospital and his subsequent re-entry to mainstream society.
 
Getting parts of his history down on paper has made a world of difference to Peter.

“My writing is a record of my experiences and thoughts. If it’s all just in my head I don’t have as much confidence. It’s comforting to know there is a record, and even more comforting when it gets published and other people can read it and perhaps learn from it, or know that someone else has been through the same thing as them.”
 
For many years, Monday morning creative writing classes at Toi Ora Live Art Trust in the Auckland suburb of Grey Lyn were Peter’s salvation. “Having that contact and that activity would get me through the whole week of living in the community. When it wasn’t there I really missed it. Christmas holidays were such a drag because I couldn’t go to Toi Ora.”
 
Blue Messiah has been described by former Auckland mayor Christine Fletcher as “honest, raw and personal – a courageous account of the mystifying and misunderstood world of schizophrenia”.
 
Peter originally wrote the book in third person about a man named Bill but was persuaded by the editor, fiction writer Judith White, to change it to the first person.
 
“Even when it was in the third person it was completely the facts of my life, totally truthful. But it was a bit strange for people to read about Bill when it was so obviously about me.”

Positive reaction

Reaction to the book has been all positive, he says.
 
“I don’t know if the book will do much to educate the average guy or girl. But mental-health consumers are still isolated by the fact they are on medication and often haven’t got jobs or might be living with their family. Hopefully, the book will be a relief for people in that situation to read.” 
 
He believes there is more understanding about mental illness these days than there was when he had his first experience at Lake Alice in the late 1980s. 
 
“With schizophrenics being put back into the community, the community is having to adapt. The people around Kingsland are very sympathetic to people with mental illness. We tend to populate the cafes, get to know the staff. There is no prejudice there.
 
“The only time I’ve encountered prejudice was with a student from another culture where mental illness is shameful and something to be hidden.” 

Impact of medication

Peter has read of many artists with schizophrenia who were put on medication and stopped creating. He had similar experiences in the past with drugs that either “had bad effects on me as an individual” or reduced his creativity.
 
“The drug I’m on now actually makes me more normal. I’m still able to create, still have the desire to create, and the ability to absorb information.”
 
Peter always thought he had the potential to be a writer and hopes publication of Blue Messiah will lay the foundation for a career in writing. He has returned to Auckland University, taking two writing papers this semester. His next goal is to get a short story published in a magazine.
 
“I’m trying to write more mainstream stories,” he says. “With short stories you finish the project a lot sooner, which gives you the opportunity to do a whole lot more projects. I think my writing will develop faster with short stories.”